Invasion of the Facebook Felines

Facebook was once a happy, tranquil place. Friends planned weekend excursions. Proud parents invited neighbors to little Johnny's birthday party. Long lost acquaintances found each other at the click of button. Grandparents gushed over pictures of grandchildren living across the country.

Distance no longer mattered. Facebook spanned neighborhoods and nations alike. The world had become a community. We thought it a great thing, instantly connecting with everyone, everywhere, all the time.

We were wrong. We'd been deceived, manipulated, baited. We were corralled like mindless cattle, woefully unaware of the plot against us.

Then she came. The queen. The mother of them all.

Where is Ripley???

She sat atop her pixel-plated throne and began the horrendous spawning that would forever change the planet.

The queen was cunning. She seduced her earliest victims, tantalizing and entertaining them with images of cuteness and playfulness. Those she seduced became zombies, propagating her offspring like a hacker's virus. And from them, the infection spread.

She had successfully established her pawhold. Facebook's millions were within her claws. Her plan was unfolding purrfectly.

Her progeny turned hideous, nasty, vicious. 

Do you feel lucky, punk? Well? Do you?

They multiplied like midnight-fed gremlins swimming the Atlantic. She birthed them one after another in relentless succession, never stopping, never slowing. They invaded everything.

Human eyes the world over stared at Facebook walls and timelines. Feline eyes stared back. No newsfeed was immune. There were no more kibbles, no more bits. There was only Friskies.

Birthday parties were forgotten. Acquaintances were lost. Grandparents scrolled past photos of their grandkids and forwarded photos of cats instead. We'd become fodder, blue-collar Meow Mix and white-collar Fancy Feast.

She reveled in victory. The queen and her offspring dined on the vanquished. She coughed up a hairball and said, "That was good."

Good!?

Take heed, my human kin. Beware. It's an invasion! And they're coming to a Facebook wall near you!

Now you know how the most unsociable of creatures came to dominate the largest social network in history.

I take no responsibility for this post. It was Liesel Hill's fault. She inspired this horror. You may blame her.