Wednesday, September 5, 2012

My First Flash Fiction Attempt

It seems the weeks between me posting my short stories are getting much more numerous of late.  I could blame that on many things, but I'll instead just skip to today's almost Flash Fiction story.  I understand that true Flash Fiction tops out at 100 words, but this is the shortest fiction I've written to date.

This was written in response to the Yahoo Fantasy Writer's group's "Little Black Book" challenge posed for the week of August 12th.


Sylvia's Little Black Book


Sylvia blew out the match and grinned. The lights were off, the room quiet. Shadows danced along the walls’ faces. She loved candlelight, the tricks it played and the mood it set. Innocuous objects cast the most threatening silhouettes.

Objects like Randy, the overstuffed bear Jake gave her. All man, Jake was, shooting little targets with roped down pellet guns at carnivals. Sylvia’s lip rose in a sneer. The education-challenged brute sure knew how to show a woman a good time. He couldn’t tell a fake swoon from a fake--“Crap!”

Brian calling. Again. She took a deep breath and turned off her cell. The hint of a grin replaced her sneer. Brian won’t be a problem much longer. She’d already read his name. Yesterday. And not on her cell. She’d read it in her little black book. Soon there’d be no more Brian like there was no more Jake. God, that book sure came in handy.


Note: This is posted as originally written.  I'm up for comments on it.  Then I can compare them with the ones I received from the group.

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17 comments:

  1. Adam GaylordSeptember 5, 2012 at 11:22 AM

    Spooky!

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  2. Alex J. CavanaughSeptember 5, 2012 at 12:02 PM

    That is really creepy.

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    Replies
    1. Jeff HargettSeptember 5, 2012 at 9:43 PM

      And I don't normally do creepy and spooky. Not even Halloween yet either.

      Delete
  3. UnknownSeptember 5, 2012 at 2:17 PM

    Glad I'm not in that book.

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    1. Jeff HargettSeptember 5, 2012 at 9:44 PM

      Yup, that little black book is a bad one for sure.

      Delete
  4. writing and living by Richard P HughesSeptember 5, 2012 at 4:05 PM

    I guess she's a serial killer.

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    1. Jeff HargettSeptember 5, 2012 at 9:45 PM

      Or conjures one... or summons one... If I had kept writing, I'd have been able to answer all those nagging, little questions. :)

      Delete
  5. UnknownSeptember 5, 2012 at 6:08 PM

    Still like it :)

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  6. Sheena-kay GrahamSeptember 5, 2012 at 10:55 PM

    That's super creepy. Poor Brian, poor Jake. Sylvia seemed like a regular girl at first but now she's a devious little terror. Randy better watch out. This was one dark piece of flash fiction Mister.

    But I'm writing a novella where Tinkerbell is a girl who can transform into a zombie. So maybe I shouldn't talk.

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    1. writing and living by Richard P HughesSeptember 6, 2012 at 9:03 AM

      That has got to be some book you're writing.

      Delete
    2. Jeff HargettSeptember 6, 2012 at 9:48 AM

      Many possibilities exist with a "little black book" challenge. I'm not sure why I went dark with this one. My challenge responses are normally light.

      Does this Tinkerbell girl you're writing transform into a zombie willingly?

      Delete
  7. UnknownSeptember 6, 2012 at 7:39 PM

    I agree with other commentators. Creepy and chilling.

    Wish I could write Flash Fiction. I have great respect for people who can tell a story with such few words.

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    1. Jeff HargettSeptember 6, 2012 at 8:51 PM

      Thanks, Swati. Being overly wordy is probably my number one problem when writing. Trouble is, I'm the same way speaking too, so it's a tough habit to break. The flash fiction attempt (and those that may follow) are practice pieces to enforce concise, tight writing. It'll be an unending process, I fear.

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  8. Deniz BevanSeptember 6, 2012 at 9:13 PM

    I like the twist at the end. It makes me want to know more!

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    1. Jeff HargettSeptember 6, 2012 at 9:22 PM

      Thanks, Deniz. I read online someplace that in Flash Fiction one is supposed to start with the conflict or crux of the story. Obviously this piece doesn't. Leaves me wondering if that "rule" is like so many others in writing. Of course, I didn't break this one *knowingly*. :)

      Delete

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