Tuesday, August 4, 2015

All I Ask

Today is the thirty-first anniversary of our wedding. Even the holidays don't rival the depth and breadth of emotions this day brings. Rarely do I publicly expose my deepest yearnings, but today my mind allowed my heart its say.

All I Ask
By Jeff Hargett

I became who I am due largely to her
I found in life what some have sought in vain
But with her gone and me now incomplete
This sorrow I feel will forever remain

I will not get over it nor will I simply move on
Don't say it's time for my mourning to end
My wife was my life and shall always be so
To behave otherwise is to merely pretend

Time is powerless and has never healed all wounds
Nor is it an ointment for mending a shattered heart
There is no salve or balm that heals the soul
Certainly not one so utterly torn apart

No longer shall I apologize for grieving what I've lost
If my tears cause you discomfort just look the other way
I'm coping and adapting the very best I can
And count it a victory when I survive another day

Perhaps I should be stronger. Perhaps you think me weak
Perhaps you think my sorrow is merely one of choice
Remember, some say. Just pray, I've been told too
Why am I not permitted to give my heart a voice

I ask of you no miracles, nor state any demands
It's not a problem that I expect you to solve
Her absence is nothing you or anyone can fix
So of that obligation, consider yourself absolved

This path is mine and its length I'll walk
There isn't anything that you need to say
All I ask of you is this one simple thing
Just hold my hand while I make my way


 


28 comments:

  1. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing with us.

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  2. Loss of a loved one is never easy and strikes a different path for each individual affected. Keep following your path.

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    1. I shall endeavor to do so, Terry. Thanks.

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  3. She is holding your hand, and walking the path with you. When you finish your journey here, you'll be with her again. This I promise.

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    1. That is the hope that sustains me, Sara. Thank you.

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  4. Heartfelt hugs, and oceans of caring.
    The mourning and the grief don't end, can't end. We just (mostly) find a way to live with it.

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    1. It's a difficult journey, but one that must be taken. I thank you for the hugs; they're priceless.

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  5. Wonderful poem Jeff. Keep on keeping on. Love and hugs Grandma Dragon

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    1. You always bring with you a warm smile, Jo. I appreciate that.

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  6. That was beautiful.
    I know how I would feel if I lost my wife because you just described it.

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    1. I appreciate the compliment, Alex. The feeling is one I'd wish on no one.

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  7. Your devotion to your wife is inspiring.
    Hugs, Jeff.

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    1. I love her with all that I am. Always will. :)

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  8. Beautiful, wonderful words and thoughts. You'll get through this eventually. Her love with sustain you.

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    1. Thank you, Ken. Her love was always my rock.

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  9. May I offer a story (though you already read it, quite a while ago)? http://intotheravenousmaw.blogspot.com/2013/04/y-is-for-yellow-flowers.html Back when I wrote it, you didn't need it, I suppose, but I hope it might be of some help now.

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    1. Thanks for calling that (back) to my attention, Patrick. Odd as it sounds, Psalm 55:22 is a difficult thing to do sometimes, it seems.

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  10. Jeff, I wish I could express how much this hurt to read. Time doesn't heal all wounds, and some days the pain is just as horrible as the day it happened. The whole "pick yourself up and keep moving forward" doesn't work either. Sometimes, it's a matter of letting the day have its way, hoping tomorrow morning things will be different. I'm not sure if I'm making sense. I guess I'm trying to say that losing someone is the most awful feeling in the world.

    But the memories are still there to cherish. The love never goes away. Those are the beautiful things to hold on to when the bad days come. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you're in good company with missing someone special in their lives.

    If only I could turn the clock back.

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    1. Making sense? Definitely. A loss like this is something I wish no one had to experience. I'm truly amazed at how deeply the human heart can love . . . and ache. I'd gladly trade years for a few minutes of the clock being turned back and consider it a bargain. Together we walk the path, Jack. Thank you.

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  11. Geez! I had missed this. Too busy on my own storms that I hadn't checked my surroundings. Right from the heart, it couldn't be better. Allowing yourself the freedom to express what you really feel is a rare blessing. Should bring some comfort in the knowledge that there are hands willing and ready to hold yours, no matter what.

    Dragon Hugs!

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    1. I wrote a long letter tonight. In it I said, "Ears and shoulders provide more comfort than people realize." "Hands" was implied in that. Sometimes we need a hand holding ours to find our way out of the black land of Everlasting Night. Thank you for your hands and ears and shoulders, Al. :)

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  12. Such heartfelt words, Jeff. There are many out here who will hold your hand along the way. My very best wishes to you.

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    1. Holding each others hands is really about all we can do sometimes, isn't it? I thank you, Suzanne.

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