Seeing as how I am up to my eyebrows in edits on The Bonding in order to satisfy a vow I made, I've been unable to craft a nice mid-week post. Drafting one from scratch wasn't even an option and my four dozen or so half-written posts refused to be hurried by the blogger who had let them sit unfinished all this time.
Therefore, I dug back into my greatest-posts-ever-told vault and grabbed a light one to publish again. (This is known as the Bloggy version of a Reprint. Yay!) Maybe five-to-ten percent of the awesome GFC folks over there on the right were over there on the right when this originally published.
Please enjoy My Muse Tried to Kill Me Today. This is based on a true story.
"Not in the car!" I told her. "We've talked about this! I'm driving. Fast!"
"Just jot it down, Jeff. You got that new gadget, didn't you? Use it."
"I can't type on virtual keyboards driving 65 miles per hour," I growled.
"Well, doesn't it have one of those thingies built into it? You know, one of those recorder things?"
"Probably. I don't know. I ain't got it all figured out yet. It's still new."
"Come on, Jeff. You work with computers! What's taking you so long?"
"I'm
old," I quipped. Old people like me get cranky sometimes--especially
on highways doing 65mph while dodging other drivers equally distracted
by muses of their own. "Can't you just hold that thought until I get
into town? We'll hit a bunch of red lights. I promise."
"Well
what about one of those little thingies that you talk to and it plays
it back for ya? You wouldn't have to type or write anything then, just
run your mouth like you usually do."
If I could have found her eyes I'd have given her a real meaningful stare about then. But she had been
spouting some mighty good stuff the whole way into work. I needed to
stay on her good side. But still... "Where were you before I left the
house this morning? Or over the weekend for that matter? I'd could
have written everything down then."
"Oh, Jeff.
You think I ain't got nothing better to do than to memorize your
schedule? I'm a free spirit. I'm not just a 9-to-5 girl, you know."
No, I thought to myself. You're a pop-in-while-Jeff's-driving kind of girl. "Well, I waited on you last night. You stood me up. Again."
"You know, you might try coming up with some of this stuff yourself sometime. It's not that hard."
"Woah!
Hang on! Some dude behind me's a sniffin' my tailpipe!" I find twelve
feet of empty space between two cars on my right and swerve into it
like the crazy old coot that I am. "You're gonna get me killed!"
"Wow, who taught you how to drive?"
My back stiffened and I quietly told her, "I'm a safe driver, thank-you, when people aren't distracting me."
"If
you say so. Are you gonna write any of this down or not? I ain't got
all day to spend with you. One of my other clients is writing this
juicy love scene in a romantic novella." She grinned. "He's cute too."
"Well, go check on him then. I'll see if I can find one of those little recorder thingies after work. Okay?"
"Okay. I'll pop in later, Jeff. Drive safe now!"
Alrighty
folks, I'm curious. Any of your muses ever put your well-being in
jeopardy? Care to tell us how?
Haha, this was a fun read. I must admit I've been known to take photos while behind the wheel. I haven't crashed yet though!
ReplyDeleteI have actually snapped a couple photos while driving. Caught a nice sunset from across the lake on the way home a few months back. I've tried not to make it a habit. :-)
DeleteFortunately my brain is rather busy with driving and jamming at the time. The ideas hit more when I'm practicing my guitar. Haven't broken a string yet from them, either.
ReplyDeleteThat kind of makes sense that your muse would appear while practicing music. The two go hand-in-hand for so many creative souls.
DeleteHow did I never read this before? Anyway, I have a very well-mannered muse, albeit shifty. She hides in the shadows and strikes in the oddest moments (like Geometry class). Often, she's reserved enough to wait until I've finally resolved to write something before she pops in. Of course, I don't drive yet, so this particular situation hasn't had much chance to occur...
ReplyDeletePlan ahead, Patrick. A recording device or a personal assistant. The investment is worth it! LOL
DeleteHa! So true. The good ideas always come at the worst time.
ReplyDeleteGood luck on those revisions. I'm looking forward to seeing that book in book stores!
Thanks, Sara. I've actually trimmed another 2-3k words at about 40% through the manuscript. I've almost dropped down to my upper-limit target.
DeleteSo did you get one of those recording thingies??? Of course, when you are driving, you should be driving!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat's with this talk about yourself as being old, to me and the dragon you are just a young thing.
JO ON FOOD, MY TRAVELS AND A SCENT OF CHOCOLATE
I compromised. I use the voice recognition on my Android phone for recording those sudden inspirations.
DeleteAs for the old... that would be my body 100% of the time and my mind ~50% of the time. My heart is as young as it's ever been.
Demanding little Muse, but so nice of her to speak so clearly (although her timing is poor). My muse, if she exists, tends to poke at me while I'm out for jogs or hikes, when I don't have paper and am not going to stop and write anything down. And she whispers in tongues I think. I only catch a portion of what she says. Tease.
ReplyDeleteMy muse speaks in tongues at times. When she's feeling playful she switches to Pig Latin and giggles without ceasing. She'd never speak to me if I were jogging though; she'd just dial 911.
DeleteLOL. I like to use the notes section on my phone...yes, I get honked at at red lights...a lot!
ReplyDeleteI can totally see that. It's probably me doing the honking so I can get home and scribble down my notes! LOL
DeleteHilarious. I think we've got the same muse.
ReplyDeleteThat's quite likely, Melanie. My muse has made it clear that she's not a one-man muse. ;-)
DeleteHehe, replace the word 'muse' with 'wife' and I'm totally with you :D
ReplyDeleteFun read, nonetheless!
Too funny! Seeing that my wife reads my blog on occasion, I'll refrain from agreeing.
Delete*hee* Muses can be so inconvenient sometimes! (Or all the time. *cough*)
ReplyDeleteBTW, I can totally relate to not finding the time to post. I've had a hard time coming up with some proper posts lately since I've been so busy with art. Good luck with The Bonding!
I guess it comes down to our priorities, Heather. I love blogging and visiting and commenting, I really do. But the manuscript must not take a back seat for too long at a time. Or, in your case, the artwork.
DeleteAnd thanks for the wish of luck. I'm hoping this is my last round of edits without it being done at the request of an editor. ;-)
Hahaha, I do remember this one. Little after you posted I sat on my muse, I think. I could claim I was influenced by your previous experience and I thought I should not risk it. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I still laugh about you sitting on your muse.
DeleteI'm pretty sure my muse and I have had this exact conversation. ;)
ReplyDeleteI think these conversations happen more often than we'd like to admit, or more often than those driving around us would like to know. :)
DeleteGlad you reposted, I enjoyed reading it. Your muse sounds hot and cheeky ;)
ReplyDeleteShe's definitely cheeky. She's only hot when she cooperating with me. :-)
Delete