I expected to experience many things once I had truly completed my first draft. But for some unknown reason I never really considered what is probably the most logical experience of them all... Exhaustion!It's perfectly, totally logical to me now. duh! Perhaps there were other factors at play. It was a typing extravaganza that didn't finish until 4am. I babysat two of my grandsons (aka Tasmanian Devil and Speedy Gonzales) the evening before and the day following. And I awoke Sunday morning and realized that I hadn't eaten (yet again) all day Saturday. I must remember to eat!
Of course, I experienced many other things as well: the thrill of completion, the disbelief that all those months of pounding keys (most notably "Delete" and "Backspace") had paid off, and an immense sense of accomplishment. I fully expected to be walking on cloud nine for no less than a week! And I am feeling like a zombie who can't even dance Michael Jackson's Thriller.
And what frightens me most is that I have a good feeling of what's coming next: the roller coaster of doubt and insecurity. The nagging notion that this would have been a really great story if someone who knew what they were doing had told it instead. The fear that the writing is good but the story's a total dud. Horror at realizing that what agents and publishers request are the three worst chapters I have. And of seeing the word "AMATEUR" rubber stamped in red ink across the face of the front page.
I keep thinking, Is this a writer's version of postpartum blues? Well, I'm a guy; my wife did all the hard work in that regard, but I do feel like I just gave birth to my firstborn. (And a whopper at that!)Maybe all that is normal too. I know I can write, but did I write this draft well? I know I can tell a story, but did I tell this story well? Am I writing this post while exhausted? You betcha. It was necessary. I wanted to capture the full gambit of emotions. And it's a little therapeutic as well, I think. The best cure for a self-doubting writer is to write, right? So...
Hello. My name is Jeff. And I'm an amateur writer.
It's okay. I'm comfortable with that for now. All professionals began as amateurs. Could I have written the story better? Sure. As much as I strive for perfection I fully realize that perfection is an unattainable goal. Is the book too long? Maybe not for an established author, but it is for an unknown who is seeking publication. Will I learn as a result of having written this? Undoubtedly. Have I already learned by writing this? Oh yes, loads of stuff.
So, I guess that makes me a successful amateur. An exhausted amateur, but a successful one. I'll strap in for the roller coaster ride, but I'm happy to finally be able to climb aboard. I'm happy to have completed the draft. I'm eager to begin the revisions and edits. And I'm happily plotting my next book.This amateur has a newly found respect for those who have accomplished the feat of completing a novel. And a newly found confidence that you--yes you--can do it too!
Although my ego can get in my way, I acknowledge that it is there. I ask myself why I wrote a book in the first place and always come up with the same answer-I enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteWhat anyone defines as success when writing their book is their own.
Hey, Michael! I guess ego is something that can get in everyone's way from time to time. I suppose the trick is to balance it--keep enough so that we demand the best of ourselves, but not so much that we don't give ourselves room to learn.
DeleteThe topic of "why write?" has arisen on a group in which I participate. Write for sales or write for self. Ideally, we could nail them both with the same piece, but if there's no enjoyment then for me, there's no point.
"I keep thinking, Is this a writer's version of postpartum blues?"
ReplyDeleteJeff, I didn't feel this one until after completing my fourth manuscript. With the previous three, I naively thought they were the work of a genius. I now know better. *Laughs hysterically*
Four... I repeat that as though pondering whether I have the ability to "birth that many" and survive! LOL I think four is great. Maybe I can catch up with you one day!
DeleteLOL, I agree writing a whole novel is exhausting. But very few people can say that they wrote a novel. It's an awesome accomplishment.
ReplyDeleteTake a break and celebrate. :)
Thanks, MaryAnn! It is indeed exhausting and exciting at the same time. I'm in the "don't look at the manuscript for x amount of time" mode right now. I've been fortunate to have a few offers for alpha readers so I'll wait on their feedback before I actually begin the editing process. I have dragons to meet in the next book while I wait. (yay!)
DeleteIn the meantime, I want to encourage as many writers as I can that completing the entire draft is definitely within their grasp and worth the effort.
I have been working on a book for a while and between blogging, writing and just living a normal life...I am exhausted, too.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had a draft completed. I would be on top of the world!
My guess is the "just living a normal life" is probably the most exhausting part! I don't have to worry about that since my life is light years from normal.
DeleteI'd love to get a sneak peek at your book. If it's half as good as your blog you'll have a best seller on your hands!
Well Jeff you did it not believe to be the only consumed by doubts for doing it!
ReplyDeleteWriting is a big commitment and is in any way also a strip naked! Ok I want to see you naked!
Exhausted, doubtful, but writing. Perhaps you do not know it but there are in the world of the publishing many professional writers who write worse than an amateur: enough not to say it too much to it often.
Writing is indeed a big commitment and there is definitely a sense of vulnerability in putting it out there for the world to see. All we can do is tell the best story we can in the best way we can and learn from any constructive criticism we receive.
DeleteJeff, nothing amateur about you. Your blog is evident of that! And I'm in the same boat as you. I'm on another WIP and I'm literally counting the days until it's done. Still holding my breath! :)
ReplyDeleteJack, I'd hire you to be my personal rooting-section, but you're already doing it for free! Supportive folk like yourself makes venturing into uncharted waters much less intimidating, be it blogging, writing, tweeting. . .
DeleteBest of luck on wrapping up your WIP!
Congrats on finishing your ms. and best of luck with it!
ReplyDeleteThank-you, Alice! It felt kinda weird actually being able to say I finished it...good, but weird.
DeleteOh, I know the feeling. Been there, done that. From having read a bit of your book, I know the quality of your writing is high. But revising is tough work, too. You'll probably have a totally different feeling when you've finished the third or fourth draft. You'll probably just be glad you're done. (But that's putting the cart before the horse.)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the compliment, Richard! Part of me is wondering if all the revising and editing won't be more work than the writing was. I imagine it's a different type of difficult, but I've heard stories of people rewriting and revising a dozen times or more and shudder at the thought. LOL
DeleteThe fact that you're thinking these thoughts and putting them in an entertaining way on "paper" gives me a huge inkling that you know what you're doing. *winks* It's the people that think they're the next big thing that are delusional. You know all the components that a story needs, and I'm excited for your next step. I have a feeling it's going to be great! :D
ReplyDelete(New follower. Came by to say thanks for the follow on my blog)
Thanks, Morgan, and you're quite welcome. My writing goal is to produce something worth publishing. My blogging goal is to produce something entertaining, instructive and encouraging. Plug away long enough and I'm bound to hit at least *one* of those targets! :-)
DeleteEnjoy your visit!
CONGRATULATIONS! Well done Jeff. Woo Hoo! Claps, hugs and high fives :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks!!
Delete:::blushing at all the applause:::
:::accepting and returning hugs:::
:::jumping to connect with the high fives:::
:::strutting off wearing a great big grin:::