Tuesday, April 3, 2012

My Muse Tried to Kill Me Today


"Not in the car!" I told her.  "We've talked about this!  I'm driving.  Fast!"

"Just jot it down, Jeff.  You got that new gadget, didn't you?  Use it."

"I can't type on virtual keyboards driving 65 miles per hour," I growled.

"Well, doesn't it have one of those thingies built into it?  You know, one of those recorder things?"

"Probably.  I don't know.  I ain't got it all figured out yet.  It's still new."

"Come on, Jeff.  You work with computers!  What's taking you so long?"

"I'm old," I quipped.  Old people like me get cranky sometimes--especially on highways doing 65mph while dodging other drivers equally distracted by muses of their own.  "Can't you just hold that thought until I get into town?  We'll hit a bunch of red lights.  I promise."

"Well what about one of those little thingies that you talk to and it plays it back for ya?  You wouldn't have to type or write anything then, just run your mouth like you usually do."

If I could have found her eyes I'd have given her a real meaningful stare about then.  But she had been spouting some mighty good stuff the whole way into work.  I needed to stay on her good side.  But still... "Where were you before I left the house this morning?  Or over the weekend for that matter?  I'd could have written everything down then."

"Oh, Jeff.  You think I ain't got nothing better to do than to memorize your schedule?  I'm a free spirit.  I'm not just a 9-to-5 girl, you know."

No, I thought to myself.  You're a pop-in-while-Jeff's-driving kind of girl.  "Well, I waited on you last night.  You stood me up.  Again."

"You know, you might try coming up with some of this stuff yourself sometime.  It's not that hard."

"Woah!  Hang on!  Some dude behind me's a sniffin' my tailpipe!"  I find twelve feet of empty space between two cars on my right and swerve into it like the crazy old coot that I am.  "You're gonna get me killed!"

"Wow, who taught you how to drive?"

My back stiffened and I quietly told her, "I'm a safe driver, thank-you, when people aren't distracting me."

"If you say so.  Are you gonna write any of this down or not?  I ain't got all day to spend with you.  One of my other clients is writing this juicy love scene in a romantic novella."  She grinned.  "He's cute too."

"Well, go check on him then.  I'll see if I can't find one of those little recorder thingies after work.  Okay?"

"Okay.  I'll pop in later, Jeff.  Drive safe now!"


Alrighty folks, I'm curious.  Any of your muses ever put your well-being in jeopardy?  Daydreaming atop a ladder?  Crossing the street?  Stumbling through the kitchen in the dark?  Go ahead.  Let me know.  I won't tell anyone.  Not even Miss Muse.

22 comments:

  1. How amusing. Been there, done that.

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    1. If she'd just stop by when I had the light on. :)

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  2. Hahaha! My muse hasn't tried to kill me YET, but I do understand how desperately frustrating it is to have an idea and not be able to write it down!

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    1. Yes, Miss Muse descends upon me at the most inopportune moments, it seems.

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  3. Loved this! No, my muse hasn't tried to kill me...yet. But she annoyingly shows up "after" I've gone to bed. I usually let her ramble on and hope I remember what she said the next morning. :)

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    1. Thanks, Linda! I suppose we should appreciate any visits at all, eh? :-)

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  4. There have been times where I get ideas in my car and I'm scribbling them down at each red light, but that's about the closest I've gotten. ;) Glad you made the trip safely, ha!

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    1. Yeah, me too. :-) She does get persistent sometimes though.

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  5. hilarious! I once had a dream while driving, well...I HOPE it wasn't a real dream. I had been awake for 42 hours at that point, but under stimulants I can go without sleep for about 78 hours without any "real" side effects, so I think it was just a really vivid day dream. Anyway, when I woke up, I decided I needed to write it down, so I pulled over into a 24 hour Starbucks and wrote it really quick and went back to driving...although I still haven't done anything with it yet.

    I write most of my blog posts in my head, in the shower too.

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    1. Okay, that's kinda scary... not the shower part, but the 78 hours part. I can do a full day followed by a partial, but after that all bets are off. I guess writing blogs while in the shower makes for clean posts though. :-)

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  6. That was awesome! lol I can totally relate. The other day while driving home a poem fluttered in my mind. Luckily, the week before, I had added a recording app to my phone. It came in handy. :)

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    1. Thanks! Yeah, I think I may have one of those "recorder thingies" buried in my tablet. I'll probably have to get one of my tech-savvy kids or grandkids to show me how to use it! (Pretty sad for a computer guy, no?)

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  7. I daydream in the car often and wonder how I got from one point to another. I was on autopilot.

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    1. LOL... Sometimes I don't daydream in the car and still wonder how I got from one point to another. That may stem from a different problem though. :)

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  8. Oh, I've written an entire chapter while driving. The handwriting was pretty bad :)

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    1. Yes, it's wonderful having a PMA (Personal Muse Assistant) but I'm still seeking someone to fill an open PDA (Personal Dictation Assistant) position!

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  9. They talk in my head all the time while I'm driving, but I just go with it. Then I write it down later. (Sometimes I even talk for them when no one is around.)


    Jen from http://falling4fiction.blogspot.com/

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    1. Welcome, Jen! Ah, the joys of youth. There was a time when I was young, when I could remember things... Now I write reminder notes and try to remember where I put them. :)

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  10. Jeff, I am sitting on a delayed train and I came across your blog from the Utah Children's Writers blog. This post made me laugh out loud! I enjoy your style and I can totally relate to the Muse demanding attention at inconvenient, even dangerous, moments. All of us distracted writers must be careful!

    Celesta from celestarimington.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Celesta! It makes my day if I can make someone laugh--especially out loud. So glad you stopped by!

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