Tuesday, April 3, 2012
My Muse Tried to Kill Me Today
"Not in the car!" I told her. "We've talked about this! I'm driving. Fast!"
"Just jot it down, Jeff. You got that new gadget, didn't you? Use it."
"I can't type on virtual keyboards driving 65 miles per hour," I growled.
"Well, doesn't it have one of those thingies built into it? You know, one of those recorder things?"
"Probably. I don't know. I ain't got it all figured out yet. It's still new."
"Come on, Jeff. You work with computers! What's taking you so long?"
"I'm old," I quipped. Old people like me get cranky sometimes--especially on highways doing 65mph while dodging other drivers equally distracted by muses of their own. "Can't you just hold that thought until I get into town? We'll hit a bunch of red lights. I promise."
"Well what about one of those little thingies that you talk to and it plays it back for ya? You wouldn't have to type or write anything then, just run your mouth like you usually do."
If I could have found her eyes I'd have given her a real meaningful stare about then. But she had been spouting some mighty good stuff the whole way into work. I needed to stay on her good side. But still... "Where were you before I left the house this morning? Or over the weekend for that matter? I'd could have written everything down then."
"Oh, Jeff. You think I ain't got nothing better to do than to memorize your schedule? I'm a free spirit. I'm not just a 9-to-5 girl, you know."
No, I thought to myself. You're a pop-in-while-Jeff's-driving kind of girl. "Well, I waited on you last night. You stood me up. Again."
"You know, you might try coming up with some of this stuff yourself sometime. It's not that hard."
"Woah! Hang on! Some dude behind me's a sniffin' my tailpipe!" I find twelve feet of empty space between two cars on my right and swerve into it like the crazy old coot that I am. "You're gonna get me killed!"
"Wow, who taught you how to drive?"
My back stiffened and I quietly told her, "I'm a safe driver, thank-you, when people aren't distracting me."
"If you say so. Are you gonna write any of this down or not? I ain't got all day to spend with you. One of my other clients is writing this juicy love scene in a romantic novella." She grinned. "He's cute too."
"Well, go check on him then. I'll see if I can't find one of those little recorder thingies after work. Okay?"
"Okay. I'll pop in later, Jeff. Drive safe now!"
Alrighty folks, I'm curious. Any of your muses ever put your well-being in jeopardy? Daydreaming atop a ladder? Crossing the street? Stumbling through the kitchen in the dark? Go ahead. Let me know. I won't tell anyone. Not even Miss Muse.